Changes

My first collaboration with an amazing writer loveayisa. Today, she decided to bless us with this amazing write up titled  Changes

If someone told me I was gonna accept change six years ago, I might have gotten defensive and rude. 

Then, I loved the idea of staying the same so much that I did not think change was necessary. I watched a lot of my friends change from sweet and good people into something totally different and I refused to be like them.

The pandemic albeit a devastating global phenomenon has taught me a lot of things.

My whole transition started in April, I guess, was having issues with my hair and instead of suffering with it like I usually do, I decided to cut it and even dyed it. I learnt on how to keep my mental health stable and trust me, it’s not all that easy but it is worth it. 

I’ve been in denial for so long that I must have damaged some parts of me.

Guys, don’t come at me when I say this but, change is necessary and important but it is also scary as fuck.

Two guys had a fight and an uncapped bottle of water punched my left eye, to say I was in pain is an understatement. Pain in the eye is different from when you bite or burn yourself, it was excruciating. I had to take permission to go home and visit an optician. To cut the story short, my eye is fine now.

Now, the awakening moment was after my first visit to the optician, I went back to school and you know everyone just said sorry, normal thing to sympathize with. Now people, I’m not exactly a loner, where were my friends? I had no idea either, I honestly don’t know why I expected them to care actually but the fact that no one cared to ask me how I felt genuinely was heartbreaking...why, you might ask. Well, I had eye drops to use but I noticed that my iris wasn’t adjusting to light and my eye was looking cloudy and the pain was still there, guys I thought I was going to develop cataract. I literally thought I was going to get blind, I cried a lot and I was already scared, like would I ever see again?

During one of my episodes, I decided that enough is enough and the reason why I keep excepting much from people is that I forgot I had myself. I started taking notes, I stayed a day without visiting any of my friends, surprise surprise, no one came and that was all it took to admit that I do need to change.

Guys, I have to tell you that change is amazing, it’s more about me discovering new things about myself. 

Signs that you need to grow are: you aren’t moving forward, you are not achieving the goals you have set for yourself, your body and soul are probably always at war with each other and you are stuck in one position and don’t embrace new things.

Notice these signs and work on them, you must not be like everyone, find your truth and set a journey for recovery.

Recently I just go for lectures, do the necessary basic things, stay on my bed and read or watch a movie, organize my things, eat well, do my skincare, write or something else. Of course I still have a few people I’m friends with and to be fucking honest, my life has been peaceful, no drama or stress. I still have a long way to go.

Suggestions On how to get ready for change are: the first thing you actually have to do is ask the Almighty for help cause, omo, we can’t do everything on our own, write down your goals and make a bucket list, use the 21 days rule, study shows that if you can master a new habit in 21 days, it becomes a part of you. Take baby steps and reward yourself after a while, you need to spoil yourself a little. Be disciplined cause heaven knows on some days you will want to give up. Talk to a friend, they can serve as reminders.  Be open to new and positive things and most importantly, have time for yourself, talk to yourself by meditating or writing or however you want to do it.

I hope as we all go into the new year, we aspire for good things and always be thankful for the little we have. 

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